Beauty from Ashes

"They will be called oaks of righteousness; a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:3

A Spiritual Bludgeon January 16, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — katiemears @ 2:17 am

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to get back into blogging, if for no one else than myself. Cause, does anybody really read this thing?

Rather than trying to catch up with all I’ve missed, we’re just going to move forward.

If you follow Michael’s blog or our life on FB or Twitter, you know that our time at CCF is coming to an end at the end of this school year. Probably every other day, we get asked if we know what we’re doing afterward yet. The answer: no. We know what we hope we’re doing: working in a church (preferably in Tally but not limited to) and taking seminary classes. Waiting on a few ducks to fall in a row before we know if we’ll be making a big move, or staying put. The more we’ve thought about moving, the more we realize how much we truly love this town and its people. No matter what, even if we’re called away, we could totally see ourselves returning here in the future to minister. There is a magnetic force on this place that continues to draw us in.

A lot of what I want to write in this post is related to this life-altering thing that’s about to happen to us in changing ministries. Michael and I have basically known this was coming since I’d say May of last year. Therefore, we’ve had a lot of time to work through a lot of options. The best word to describe it is truly: a rollercoaster. We’ve had times where we were 99% sure we knew what we were doing, trying to read into all the “signs” and then, just like that, it changed. While I feel like Michael and I have done a pretty good job trusting in God’s providence through this all, I know there have been times I’ve tried to take matters into my own hands. Today, sitting in service, I was confronted with my sin over the last few months. The sin of seeking to please men, and not God, as well as not trusting that He who called me out of darkness, and into His glorious light, has our future in His hands.

I realized today that, as each opportunity has come upon us, I’ve tried to be someone different. It’s not even nessacarily that I’m being something I’m not but, that I have to prove something to someone. I have to prove to this person or that person that we’d be a great family to have in their church, on their ministry team, in their school. If we can just say the right things, be in the right places at the right time, or show this certain part of who we are, then, of course, they’ll want us on board.

Why? How can I be so dumb as to think that we have anything better to offer to any church, person, school, or ministry than Christ in us? His excellency is so great that it can overshadow and wipe away any sin I might have in me! It’s also 1000x greater than any GOOD I have in me. What I should have been hoping for was that, they’d be able to look past ME, and see only HIM in ME.

Today He gave me 1 Thessalonians 2:4: “On the contrary, we speak as ment approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.” When I think of my sin, and who I was and still am, I wonder why I was ever entrusted with the gospel, especially in the form of ministry, but I was. But, the second part of the verse just beats me over the head: we are not trying to please men, but God who tests our hearts. These men, these people, these churches, schools, etc. do not hold our future in their hands, although sometimes it may feel that way. Nothing we can do, say, or prove will decide where and if we have a job in 4 months. Only God can do such a thing. And, He has always taken care of us, in spite of us, if we are following Him as we are sure we are now.

This morning we sang a Sovereign Grace song called “Completely Done.” Musical worship has always been such a powerful way for me to connect with God, and I’m thankful for this new song which spoke to me today.

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full
There’s no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We’re heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don’t know what lies ahead
What if I fail again
You are my confidence
You’ll keep me to the end
I’m leaving my fears behind me now


One Response to “A Spiritual Bludgeon”

  1. Barbara Dieckmann Says:

    I do read this thing and I am thankful for your new years resolution!!!!!

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